I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
