omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
