you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm like, not good at living.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
