And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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