One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
