I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
