She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize