There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
