Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize