You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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