We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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