so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You pole danced in your parka.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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