I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
