They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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