Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We are all done wearing pants today
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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