i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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