I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
