Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
