NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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