The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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