Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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