Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
