Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
