like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
