yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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