don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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