She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
