Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think my mom watched the whole time
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
