All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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