Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
