do herpes really smell.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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