My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
