i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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