I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I believe in your delicious
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
