It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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