is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
