How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
