Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
