It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
