he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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