Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
