I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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