Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
