Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
