sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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