Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize