Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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