he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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