I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
