I heard we made out
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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