what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize