Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
