Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have fence marks all over my body
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
