Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do vagina's smell?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
