I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
