I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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