i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
