may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
