he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
