Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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