Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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