I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
