Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize