We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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