Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
