im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
