u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
