i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
