Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
