The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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