so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Is it because I queefed?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
