i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He passed out mid-signature
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
