Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
