There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
