I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
