Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
