He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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