i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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